I’ve been up for an hour an a half. It’s 10:30 and I’m still not out in the amazing Italian sun window shopping or reading. I’m sipping my burnt espresso, watching another episode of South Park and thinking about what I really should be doing today- printing out scores for my presentation on Tuesday and double checking the score for my string quartet. We haven’t had a rehearsal yet and it’s making me a little nervous. There were a lot of issues I wanted to work on, and I really don’t think there will be time. It will be interesting to see what happens.

That’s enough boring for this morning.

Behold:

I have written a little poem in honor of The Annoying Orange.

I am The Annoying Orange
I will judge you
I will call you fat
I will make fun of your name
And the color of your skin.
I will question your mother’s fidelity
I will taunt you.
My words will get under your eyes
And rot your very core
My laugh will cut you.
I will warn you that death is right behind you
But you will not listen
And that is why I will laugh as you sit
On that bloody chopping block
And die.
I have no soul
I will spit my seeds of hate on your grave

(he he he heh heh heh he he he)

Item number 1:
The Double-neck Ovation.

And better yet- you can also buy the miniature replica of the double-neck Ovation.

Item number 2:
A robot mouth that imitates the human voice… sort of. It has been called “creepy” and “unsettling” by 99.9% of viewers.

Item number 3:
Spider Man 3 the movie. It was terrible. And not even funny. My friend and I walked out of this movie many many years ago. It was at a dollar theatre. I still want my time and money back.

Item number 4:
The Trikke. Of all the awkward, inefficient ways to get around, this takes the cake. Even the name is ridiculous- Trikes already exist. It’s any vehicle with three wheels- and a lot of them are really cool. But now we have a new 3-wheeled wonder on the block whose owner can’t even come up with a new name. “Trikke” should be pronounced “Trick-ey” or “Trick-uh.” When you ad another “k” you loose the privilege of saying “i” like “eye.”

Simon Shucert’s sculptures have no faces. Only full heads of hair encircling their necks and resting on their shoulders. Are the figures coming or going- the clothing gives a hint of orientation, but it is still difficult to decide.

Winnie Truong paints bearded ladies and braided eyebrows.

markus leitsch’s work can be seen on Designboom and on his website. It reminds me of Woolies… surprisingly, I find his sculptures less creepy.

Then comes Crochetdermy- crocheting figures of animals as if they were taxidermied. The fur patterns of the animals must be accurate to give these figures a sense of movement.

Susanna Hesselberg, Crochetadermist, follows suit with more hairy sculptures and photographs.

Justin Bryan Nelson inks out all of hair’s frizzy, gross details- but at the same time, he gives the woven hair a very textile look.

Hong Chung Zhang. Lager. Than. Life.

I suppose I find this fascinating because I have an aversion for hair and all things hairy. Hair in the drain? Forgot it. Not happening. Gross.

Keep looking.
-e

The following texts were presented:

More than iron, more than lead, more than gold I need electricity.
I need it more than I need lamb or pork or lettuce or cucumber.
I need it for my dreams.

He is quiet. He is Paul, the man I chant about, and he is
quiet because his pants are very long. His pants are long
and his vest is short. He sings at morning and at night,
Is this not comical and unfortunate? I fantasize that Paul
is both happy and unhappy, and I think that he sings because
his pants are long. And his vest indubitably is short.

And here are some of my favorites:

I gave a man a coat. I gave a woman a brassiere.
I gave myself and electric current. We all were
happy and full of delight. Take the coat from the
man and remove the brassiere from the woman and take
the electric current from me and we will be sad
and full of anguish.

Bills sings to Sarah. Sarah sings to Bill. Perhaps they
will do dangerous things together. They may eat lamb or stroke
each other. They may chant of their difficulties and their
happiness. They have love but they also have typewriters.
That is interesting.

I find the whole thing- and the song cycle- amazing.

Quick note: videos and links usually only show up on my actual blog @ elizabethkenndybayer.com
FYI!

This title I also claim (if not for myself, for a friend): An Algorithm for the Flocking Patterns of Balloons.

Done. It has been claimed.

Installation? Chamber piece? A new function capable of reversing our current economic situation? Who knows…

Anyway, back to Barbara. She has been collecting junk mail for a few years now and has almost filled a room with the stuff. People are amazed at how many pounds of crap mail one small business can accumulate over a year. One part of her project was to cover a performing pianist in the stuff to show its suffocating and destructive nature.

Now what am I going to do about all this white trash? I’m going to collect the junk mail that comes to my house, and with the help of my handy-dandy shredder, fill this bean-bag chair and ottoman.

I started collecting junk mail on 9/21/09. Let’s see how long (or short) this takes!
Coffee will be on me for whoever gets it right!

Here are a few sites that can help you prevent the spread of junk mail (plus a few other fun sites):

YellowPagesGoesGreen: A site that claims to stop the unwanted arrival of a stack of new phonebooks every couple of months.

41pounds: A site that claims it can stop most junk mail from reaching you for a few years. I only glanced at the site, so take some precaution before you sign up. Hopefully it’s not a bunch of dudes sitting around, taking your money and not stopping junk mail. I think the best way is to just call the folks who are sending junk mail to your address.

ithinkihateplastic: a blog that debates the lesser of many evils in our day to day lives.

DYI Steps to Stopping Junk Mail: Some simple steps you can take to stop the flow of crap. Annoying yes, worth it, yes.